Total Depressed

Still in exam mode. But lately, seems that I can't focus so well in my studies. My biological clock has turned crazy and I try to fix it. I guess what had arc13 told me on the last few weeks, maybe its true I got this some major depressive disorder, before that by referring to another person, it was OCD, but actually it's not. 

I'm depressed, yes it's true because everyone had it too, but this time it was very worse than ever. So many things had happened and I can't trust or tell to someone else about it because they would not understand and I'm afraid I may affecting their feelings/mood. 

Sometimes, I feel very mad and feels like to kill someone inside my house (Yes, because I hate my juniors in my house, they sabotaged my cat. Bitches!).

I try to relieved down a bit by watching drama etc.

It worked. but another things hit me again, when I woke up I feel joint pain and abdominal pain. Worse part, my leg feels like it's being 'sawed'. Very painful. (I was thought that maybe I watch cripple person like House too much...drama effect). But cramp while writing in the exam was normal.

I took some medicine and it worked.

Itchiness or in other words allergies attacking me when I try to sleep or study. Keep scratching here and there. Lastly, I gave up. I ate the antihistamine that my doctor has prescribed. 

It worked but it came again.

Nightmares. multiples dreams all in one. I do pray in my sleep and I do watch my foot before getting to sleep. But still the nightmare comes and repeated. I can't remember some part of it but I'm dreaming I was dead. What does it mean? Like I'm gonna give a crap about it. It was the Devil's. Devil's/Satan like to mess up with human's mind. 

It's okay, it was just a dream.

For all the things had happened and may happen, I pray to God for giving me some strength to face it. Amin. The battles are still continue, 2 down and 4 lefts. Wish that I can do better than before.

I miss you dear, I hope you in a good hands :(

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